Finally I've finished exams ,
Began at 3-2/ November….. before a week I had visited the college for confirming my papers .
I hadn't known anyone at that time…. Like I'm lost in some place I have to spend the rest of my life in it……
Had very hard days at the beginning… with study… with everything…
After 10 days… it was my birthday… no one .. or let me say not more than 4 persons congratulated me ..
Laughed a lot………cried a lot ………..and what I have learned and knew this year is worthier than my entire life!!!!
I won't talk a lot ……..coz I won't make it worthy enough to explain this year. which ended with Michael Jackson's death :D:D:D …and sealed heavenly by" take care , please!"
need to read more about my life in college this year... check my "labels"
God willing I'm going to establish a new blog,, I'm planning not to make it personal... as a diary of everyday life of Iraqi bloggers or even others... I primarily give it this name:" shako mako">>>"what's up"... :D ... waiting ur opinions....
I was preparing for going to bed... yes, I'm very tired!!! i have to do so many studying tomorrow... but on The " Violet's world" that you can see on the right upper aspect of the blog. I was looking at -as always- who is visiting my blog and via what... I see there are as- i guess- two of my followers , silent followers ... i won't say from where are they. they visit my blog just after i post a new post.... it has been a long time since i noticed that... bt I'm looking for hearing their opinion about what I think here... any way even if they won't comment ... I'll be happy , there are people caring about what i say here.
i was thinking... about my life ... and what i have done in it. what is the point??? and Am going and following the right path in life???
Being a doctor is my pretty dream, But being Doctor in Iraq means Jaheem "hell"!!!!
yes, don't be surprised !!! it's very hard ;especially for a soft girl like me..... it means the following:
1- study , tough study for six years (five , this current junior year is involved)
2- it means going every day to some where far away from my house ;on the other side of the city.
3-at danger of being killed at any time. by a miss shot or right one.
4- devoting my life for people, who are here not all of them - i mean most of them- don't appreciate doctors!- I'm not in my full sense right now -
5-ending at age of 23. and then at least 2 years of practicing... and I'm not the kind of people who get graduated and then sit between 4 walls " it's for you B.D " :D
7- a tough life, during marriage. of course if i will get married. and means that I should forget about "NORMAL LIFE"
okay too many ,,,, too many . I'm tired now and I don't remember them. may be i'll do in another post.
oh my eyes ... hurting me ... i can't open them properly, i spend my time studying .. i think it's my fate....
The big Anatomy exam returns... it's on Monday... now the test is written>>> and what do you know about written??? " وما ادراك مالنظري؟؟" :D
I can't wait to end exam, but at the same time i don't want to have a holiday,,,, it'll keep me away from college ... it's my only way to see the world and expertise it !
i don't have any plans for holiday till now ... I'll think about it after exams or maybe with my friend ;)
my best friend is going to come back to Iraq in summer after her tests ,,, and i think she'll stay here and share me the college life again!
at the begging of this year I was lost , never know anyone ..but after i knew the CURRENT one ... the matter has been converted differently ... i want the first to return and i don't at the same time ... i think I've been designed to fit to one friend and be devoted to her not to multiple ones!!! maybe it's not that big deal to you ... but it's problem to me ! i have another one who is very jealous from that one ... but i can say she LOVES me with her own way .. she had made many quarrels with her so to make me for her only and that another problem ! so if the first returns and the second with me with third here !!! it would be a disaster !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i can't imagine how i would handle it<<
okay pray for me and let this prayer be more pure and devout becoz that one hasn't done its work!! ;) :D
greetings :)
After seeing not that huge echo i expected for my last post .. I decided to be what I used to be; an unknown as I'm always ... as you try to know who am I you get deeper and deeper and won't know where is the begging >>> the college is all right ... we are doing(I'm doing) fine... tomorrow we have an exam and unfortunately i won't be able to attend my dear sister graduation ... I'm very sad for that :(.. dad and mom are planning to go to macca for doing emra(عمرة) the visit to the holy house of allah except haj... and they are waiting till the final note for travel .. so i hope tomorrow they will be able to attend her party...
the poetry to me is a matter of self explaining and I think I'm going to write a poem now .. I don't know what its title or its contents ..
okay i don't have much to say.. so plz pray for me
mamy you're the maximum thing that i have ever dreamed of , plz forgive me for what wrong things i have done , plz mama pray me , plz mama be with me and never ever leave me alone for asingle moment.. i need you .. i can't imagine myself with out you .. i can't live without breathing what you're breathing... all i can do to pay back your efforts ; i make myself in the right position of life that you can really be prouud of me inshallah for ever!
Another day
Without your smile
Another day just passes by
But now I know
How much it means
For you to stay
Right here with me
The time we spent apart will make our love grow stronger
But it hurt so bad I can't take it any longer
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna die lying in your arms
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna be looking in your eyes
I wanna be there for you
Sharing everything you do
I wanna grow old with you
A thousand miles between us now
It causes me to wonder how
Our love tonight remains so strong
It makes our risk right all along
The time we spent apart will make our love grow stronger
But it hurt so bad I can't take it any longer
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna die lying in your arms
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna be looking in your eyes
I wanna be there for you
Sharing everything you do
I wanna grow old with you
Things can come and go I know but
MAMY I believe
Something's burning strong between us
Makes it clear to me
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna die lying in your arms
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna be looking in your eyes
I wanna be there for you
Sharing everything you do
I wanna grow old with you
WESTLIFE- I WANNA GROW OLD WITH YOU
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY(it's 22th i know guys!)
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who has said that I can't do my morning exercises??!!
I can do it freely and walk for nearly 3 km going to college . it was nearly a dream to me to walk this distance but Allah – seems- that he loves me a lot and immediately made this dream come true…
After the last explosion in front of my college and after the disaster that I have seen .. – I don't know even why I felt scared ?- I have got used to these situations.. but seeing the students of your college are injured plus the horrible senses and scenarios that I saw were worthy and enough to make me cry!
To me life should continue and continue not for a thing, just because I haven't made at least one of my rosy dreams come true :D!...
I would ask you – my readers – if my way of blogging or writing is weird or understandable.. I see it's coz I love mysteries.. any way I hope all of you are all right and I'll be happy to hear your opinions..
As I was studying in my room since 9 AM and for 4 days , I was feeling really exhausted ,out of power and hope. I even quarreled with anyone tried to enter my room saying that " Violet, your room is out of O2 , how can you breathe, for the sake of God ??!!" I made no attention to such sayings and stayed sunk in my lectures … swimming and even diving deeply into them!... then for a -second- period of non - thinking (brain's stoppage).. I imagined , no I saw a figure out of my room through my window … standing in the street . I didn't know who he was or what he is doing , I even didn't know if he was a child , a man or a woman .. all I knew and saw a dark figure with a little spot of light was moving onto him .. I saw with my naked eye that he was wearing not that decent clothes and seemed to me he was starving and was looking for a house to give some food to him .. I spontaneously opened my window and then looked into his eyes .. I realized that he was staring on me all that time .. with a look of pity homogenized with pettiness.. I didn't understand that look .. maybe he was looking at me by this way , because I have a house to live in and he doesn't , maybe because I was above and he was at a lower level than me (my room is upstairs)… maybe it has reached a degree with him that he can't see anybody above him , maybe , maybe , maybe ….. After staring and looking for an non period of time .. I decided to go downstairs and ask my mom to give him some bread or anything worthy to eat .. I normally headed to the door …hopelessly and helplessly I continued trying opening it … no hope .. it refused to be opened .. and my loud mixed with scare cries didn't reach anyone … I didn't know what to do … I headed to the window again .. as the rescuer of mine was that anonymous .. unfortunately and as a result of the mocking fate .. he gazed at me again with that look , nodded his head hopelessly and DISAPPEARED !!!! what can I do ??? where can I go ??? who will get me out of here .. I said prayers … I begged God to get me out of this mess … of this catastrophe, out of this room … NO hope … Eventually I realized.. did know , that man was feeling pity on me … just like he knew I was imprisoned … and he tried to say that with his looks … during a second of stupidity and not understanding what a person can say with eyes that I have never been like this before… I couldn't know what was he trying to say.. Moan/weep on yourself before you moaning on others … that exactly what he was trying to say !!! ------------------ This story was born from my imagination .. as a result of thinking for a second , this thought rabidly arrived to my mind …. You know what?? that thought came to my sight during reading the subject of systemic lupus Erythematosus!!! Really I don't know what to say …
Even with the computers' exam; I didn't know what had happened to me !!! this is the last thing I care about.. coz I really love computers .. anyway the college today was empty .. just the workers and us !!! and it was really dull .. I stopped thinking for a second and I started to find
a way to put an end to this mess , but soon I realized that there is no solution .. time is passing and it doesn't wait anybody… no matter who is he.. after returning home .. I started crying.. I really felt helpless .. my family tried to encourage me … all of them actually .. but my father said " my daughter, dear.. please forget what has happened and let what occurred today behind your back.. this is not the end of life!!, with your achievements .. you must say that to people and not to been said!!.. to forget every bad thing, and start from the beginning no matter how bad the past was … " anyway I felt a little relieved after hearing that and tiny spots of hope returned again to my uneasy face ..
Sorry guys this post caused a big depression to you .. but if I can't say what I feel on my blog .. where the sky can I say it ..
BTW, a big explosion has just happened .. It shocked me !!! indeed it's unbearable day !! right?
