Honest Dictionary

I have received this via e-mail :

CIGARETTE:

A pinch of tobacco
rolled in paper
with fire at one end
and a fool at the other!
 
 

MARRIAGE:
It's an agreement
wherein
a man loses his bachelor degree
and a woman gains her master
 
 

DIVORCE:
Future Tense
of Marriage
 
 

LECTURE:
An art of transmitting Information
from the notes of the lecturer
to the notes of students
without passing through the minds
of either
 
 

CONFERENCE:
The confusion of one man
multiplied by the
number present
 
 

COMPROMISE:
The art of dividing
a cake in such a way that
everybody believes
he got the biggest piece
 
 

TEARS:
The hydraulic force by which
masculine will power is
defeated by feminine water-power!
 
 

DICTIONARY:
A place where divorce comes
before marriage
 
 

CONFERENCE ROOM:
A place where everybody talks,
nobody listens
and everybody disagrees later on
 
 

ECSTASY:
A feeling when you feel
you are going to feel
a feeling
you have never felt before
 
 

CLASSIC:
A book
which people praise,
but never read
 
 

SMILE:
A curve
that can set
a lot of things straight!
 
 

OFFICE:
A place
where you can relax
after your strenuous
home life
 
 

YAWN:
The only time
when some married men
ever get to open
their mouth
 
 

ETC:
A sign
to make others believe
that you know
more than
you actually do
 
 

COMMITTEE:
Individuals
who can do
nothing individually
and sit to decide
that nothing can be done
together
 
 

EXPERIENCE:
The name
men give
to their
Mistakes
 
 

ATOM BOMB:
An invention
to bring an end
to all
inventions
 
 

PHILOSOPHER:
A fool
who torments himself
during life,
to be spoken of
when dead
 
 

DIPLOMAT:
A person
who tells you
to go to hell
in such a way
that you actually look forward
to the trip
 
 

OPPORTUNIST:
A person
who starts taking bath
if he
accidentally falls
into a river
 
 

OPTIMIST:
A person
who while falling
from EIFFEL TOWER
says in midway
"SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!"
 
 

PESSIMIST:
A person
who says that
O is the last letter
in ZERO,
Instead of the first letter
in OPPORTUNITY
 
 

MISER:
A person
who lives poor
so that
he can die RICH!
 
 

FATHER:
A banker
provided by
nature
 
 

CRIMINAL:
A guy
no different
from the other,
unless he gets caught
 
 

BOSS:
Someone
who is early
when you are late
and late
when you are early
 
 

POLITICIAN:
One who
shakes your hand
before elections
and your Confidence
Later
 
 

DOCTOR:
A person
who kills
your ills
by pills,
and kills you by his billS