My Gyne Exam

I was remembering a couple of days how was my OSCE in Gyne ! Beeing very nervous , the Stethoscope fell from my hand on the ground , thermometer was broken , the Stethoscope had a bubble in its mercury cloumn , I wonder how this hospital works !! My patient was asleep , after C.S , So I was a frank annoying bug.. she had relatives with her *_* , and they are from one of Mosul townships .. they were talking , gagling , eating , chating , gosipping !! OMG I told them with shaking tone ,to lessen thier voice because i was having an exam , the senior left me with them returing after 30 min to exam- me ! Finally I made a horrible mistake , I examined the pt from the left , OMG .. But the senior knows me very well , and knows how I was active in her sessions :) Oh I was nearly forget , after exam I had a special things happened to me , It's soo nice that I can't speak about ;)

Hello again :)

Oh, What can I say !

I'm Back here , Finally .. At least for now ..

I wonder if you still remember me :)
I can't catch the point I should start talking with, I'm not sure what you have missed.

Today drained my power indeed, I was WOKEN up FORCIBALY from 5:40 am and till now with 2 hours of sleep and a journey across the borders of Kurdistan ..with out water or food and I must act as a good girl every minute , you know it's Ramadhan !
Wait ! have you ever thought  I'm not  always ? ;)
It was a  bunch of days  since I attend a surgical  operation for the first time of my entire life O_o .. It was a strange feeling , and I was just a watcher !
and in case you are wondering about my study , I passed this year  with GOOD results ;)
by the way I'm not familiar with  the new environment of blogger till now ! I hate it

Dizzy!

What can I say ?? I'm very tired and my eye lids stick to each other fainting !(I use Arabic ·  eloquence sometimes in English , maybe it means how much how I love both languages !):D

However , I'm so busy these recent days , and I cant get enough sleep ! :(( … always thinking and thinking !

Working on a research in medicine for fluid charts and ignorance in giving fluid supplements  in Iraqi hospitals , now residing in alsalaam teaching hospital here in Mosul (formly called Sadam's teaching hospital)!this is number one … number two is working on a seminar for virology in herps virus , this doesn't include the chaos  in  my head with al  lectures and books .. and this disgusting pharmacology !! I hate it!!!

BTW , violet for peace  has been chosen as one of the best Iraqi blogs , thank you tripbase for support and chosing , for more read this …

Pray for me ..

God , give me hope !

OMG,


I'm here since 13th November !

Don't feel like to do anything,to write anything …

To say anything ,

I search in simple things for any .. any thing gives me any any hope !

I hate this time of year before mid-year exam , when I'm exhausted by every mean …

OMG!

God , give me hope !

Disgusting pharmacology !!

OMG, I'm dread of tiredness  !!
This pharmacology is disgusting , today we had two lectures and it's all about ATROPIN and its colleagues :(( , my brain was about to explode and my eyes were about to jump from their place !!
Today , I laughed a lot with soso , she is my soul mate .. I love her more than any thing !
I miss my nephew , that little angel !! and miss his mother too :(
That session was exiting , the senior doctor  asked me to take history and to diagnose a patient  , inspire its  being very early for that coz we are just in the 3rd week of our practice , but I seemed very anxious , he read my eyes and asked me to do that in front of my colleagues and thank God I was very good :)
I can feel myself when I'm in the hospital , I feel I have purpose in this life , some aim I have to make accomplished this day or another to lessen people's pain ..

Pray for me :)

Hopes and the dream!

It's the second visit to hospital ! I'm so excited !....
The first patient was 85 years old, but mashallah she was healthy and has sense of   humor !
After the session I  made a  picnic with soso in the hospital garden :D , other things of
my life are improving (I pray for that ) and I hope this year will be better !
See ya

Finally in hospital !

Hi all !
I miss you people  ! I miss my blog and your comments!
Nothing important has happened since the last entire, but today was a big deal !!
Today is the first day in my clinical life! Today is the first day when I'm able to wear stethoscope on my neck and hold neurological testing hummer in my hand !
It's huge transformation from a theoretic study to clinical applications , I can't explain my feeling now,, but it's my life long dream before my eyes !

Forbidden Boys

When I first entered college , I was too shy !

Or as a matter of fact , I thought boys are dangerous thing , so they isolate us from them for about 10 years , hoping that when we and them get into college , each of us are adults enough  by then !

I supposed  this , any way!

During  high school , and when I go to market or something , and it happens if I see a boy , I get so confused and my face blushes , and this continued for about 1 month of the college !

And then I was introduced to persons that break my shyness down , I always say if I'm a shy I wouldn't change !

Okay , all right !

They use to say to me I'm a leader personality !  but i always need a push , but I don't agree with them

I always adore peace and calmness and hates people gossip and chet chat !

At the same time I have the ability to listen and to be a friend to the most difficult personality in the world , it won't be more complicated than me any way … at least as I think !

okay , let's return to what I was saying..

I got involved in many activities in college , and I got over my shyness problem , but I faced another problem as a result !

The 10 years of isolation between boys and girls , as much as it's useful and wise as much as it is unfair !

How can a boy doesn't speak to a girl for 10 years , gets used to the presence of her might sit next to him at the chair in a lecture ! he is human being at the end!

All right , my personality is always encouraging …

I encourage every person that I think he/ she has talent in any thing !!

But this is not normal thing for a girl , here !

There is a rule … you encourage >>>> you care !

How stupid that rule is ?!!?

Me, myself love writing so much, in Arabic or in English , and I wrote for the first time at the first year of college !

And for this I considered not a normal , girl !

If you are beautiful , clever , has other interests other than medicine , you are not normal !

So be ready to have harasses , get envied and hear gossips for things deserve and other and are the most NOT!!

I won't tell what those people said about me , they are all ignorant and don't deserve my attention , at least this is what I try to persuade myself in !

Now

-I don't dare to ask a male-colleague how is he … this  will  be understood BY ANOTHER WAY!

-I don't dare to write publicly , this  will  be understood BY ANOTHER WAY!

-I don't dare to have public discussion , this  will  be understood BY ANOTHER WAY!

When I still had a face book account which I hate the most , there was a male- friend , whom I respect very much , he is open minded and older  than me , I didn't dare to congratulate him for his birthday_ in spite knowing when is it by my events in that damned face book_by sending something on his wall , coz this will be explained by another way  by my friends or by his ! and I didn’t dare to congratulate him by a private message coz I fear the word private by itself and till know I blame myself for not wishing him a happy birthday !

For a reason of my raising up environment and my family's way in education , I wasn't shocked by dealing with boys , at the contrast, I feel so happy when I discuss worthy things with boys more than girls , and i don't know the reason behind that !...  and by a reason of having an angelic brother , I thought all the boys are angels like him!this fact is not true , with sorrow

I talk too much now a days , don’t get used to it , I'm so moody as you know , but this may be continued !

And before i forget , special thanks to all my readers form Istanbul , and of course all around the world .

The nightmare Mosul!

Only losers say it's the end …

But I say it's not ! I can live!!! and i will breathe defying them !



This city is like a hell ! Dungun.. whatever

I can't breathe peacefully !

I can't even sneeze without making every body turn to see me !

I live among people who have never learned how to look at something and stay silent!

I've got tired of here !

I can bear my pure heart !

I'm not from here >>>!

No more lies >!

 
I don't know ....
but something has happened to me !
i see the life from a different criteria !
I don't know if I've returned  to what I used to be in high school or have been the modified me !

I don't want people to pay me courtesy , and I don’t want people to say " take it easy ,you're  still young and have right to make mistakes !


I need someone to advice me !!!!!!!

What Kind of Life ?! Can any body answer me?

What kind  of test this year is?
I've got through so miserable days…
So many embarrassing situations
And I'm still alive!
I've found such a very special friend lately , and she is like a copy of mine , but there is no one like me in the whole universe ^_*, any way …
The elections are  on the way , but I have not decided who to elect ,yet!
I  feel they are all bad people , and want to steal money from the us and Iraq!
The oil that must make us live like Emperors ! instead we live as less than Africa !
Ah, God !
They are all the same , and they promise to elevate the type of services !
There is no services for the sake of God!
nobody promise to lessen the killing of Iraqis !
The eviction of Christians from their own homes!!
What kind of life is this !?
My friend who I have mentioned above Is Christian ,she  has  had to leave  her house with her family!
What kind of crime they have done to receive such a punishment !??!
More than being Christians!?!
Ah, God I miss her so!
The situation of Iraq is going to be worse , I admit it!and I ensure it!
I'm waiting the End of days soon… and then God then will establish peace  by his own way , without these liers !!!

Prayers of peace
!


http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=364123994528

These Days!!

oh God !! how I hate exmas !!! they drive me crazy !!!
hazy >>lazy >> look like crazy !!!
ya3!!
i forgot the ID last exam , i think i've lost it !! the examiner refused to sign the papers without ID , but mercy came from no where to his heart and finally he signed them !!!

i study and study and study ! and in between 10 lectures and other i read " فوضى الحواس", a novel of my favourite author " ahlam mustaghanami"!!! there is nothing better makes me forget the blackness of my moments than reading  such a book!!


i play on facebook gmes almost  every day after study ??? are they worthy?!!?

Injured Lulu !

Getting downstairs at 9:45 a.m. to eat something after hearing the birds of my stomach Pipping !
Tomorrow is my Bio-chemistry mid-year exam so I'm today in my disgusting manner….
While I was frying an egg , I heard lulu meowing in not distinguishable manner ! I thought she was hungry so I fed her what I see near me , bread and cheese (triangular-high quality rich with vitamin D and calcium):D

…. she didn't shut down , I got suspicious!


At 1:00 pm also got down stairs again to cook rice with maraca (I'll illustrate it in another post) ,
My little sister came home from school and told me while entering the kitchen's door , **** … hurry up lulu is injured !
I got outside to see what has happened , and saw her legs were injured badly with a disgusting bloody knee joints !
I hurried to get some antiseptic and cotton to sterilize the wound , wore cloves to touch her _freely_ and some medical sticks to keep the wound sterilized.
I faced difficulty in catching her coz she was hurting so much … I gently touch her and rub her with my cloves covered palms and she astonishingly deliver herself to my treatment .. so finally I put that sticks on her joints and she took them off licking the site of injury later .. I got inside to get a piece of meat and throw it to her to eat … I felt she was praying for me ! gosh what a nice feeling !
p.s … treating an animal is so difficult coz you can't tell it what to do by speaking .. as a result I saw it's better for me to give her a paracetamol to lessen her ache and hopefully that will help me to control her ! but anyway lulu was my first patient ! :)
Pray for her to get well soon and for me to do well tomorrow with my exams,please~
See ya!

2010

Under the rain , I walk with my best friend besides me ….
With her hand plaiting with mine ~
Putting the coat lid on my head … without un umbrella !
WOW! It's a fantastic scene !!
But my boot is made of shamwa'a so my socks  were wetted !! y3 disgusting feeling !
-------
Today is the last Day  in 2009 , the "the full memories year" , I love it in spite of its ugliness , it has learned me a lot ~~~~ my God I don't know how I have got over them !
These days remind me of Erbil this last year ,It was so fantastic journey and it was the Christmas too,
I woke up this morning feeling of unexplained energy , wore my _gray _ white _gray clothes , and waited for the car …. After nearly a week of putting my head inside something called " Mcminn's atlas of human anatomy" , anatomy videos , and the body at the college … finally today I have passed the exam on , ya … I think I did it well …
My heart was beating so hard , and my stomach was cramping so loud  because of the stress … my memory brought me back to that last Anatomy practical exam,, with all of its persons  and faces ,,, with all its happiness and fear …….
Suddenly Elisa's song came to my mind …. "The endings  of winter _ awakher el shtaa"  , and I was about to cry !
Form this day on till 31 January I have  exams,,,,, I  pray they'll pass peacefully ….
Wishing you a wonder full year full of happiness and success …

)*(HAPPY NEW YEAR)*(

Finally ,,,, optimism!!!!

Hello everybody ??! How is ever thing ??
I'm fine ... sunk in study ... confused ~
who have said  the only one who has problems ?? how have said I'm the only one who has to face   the life ??
Bad people … Good people … good days … murky days …. It's the pleasure of life … but it depends  how do you live it !
All right ,, exams are on the way , guys .
I'm so afraid ! Pray for me <<<<

Good morning Miss pure heart!

What I have done?!

where the hell am I now?!

who is beside me and who is against me ?

I'm lost again!

was a sleep for that along while and "awakned" from time to time by some way or another! by somebody or another ! dealing with all as the same , no hate in my heart and I take everything by innocence !

Oh, God !!! what I have done to make me deal with such people! God, If this is a test I will be patient coz I believe in your mercy !






God ,please forgive me ! please guide me!

These few days life has welcomed me and opened  her wide gate  , I don't know if I'm ready to see her ugly face ,,, but I'll face it sooner or later ! my innocence will end today or tomorrow! I'm gonna grow up this minute or the next !

I used to say I will never change , I will be as my dad and mom have brought me up ! but I just can't ! my pure heart has no place among these black ones…. Oh , I can't imagine how I was a fool ! yes, innocent one is a fool with privilege !!!!!

I can consider this year as a test for me , and I wonder If i even can pass this test without failure !!!! 

If you weren't a wolf , wolfs gonna  eat you ! … this is my motto now !

Guys forgive me … I'm changed from this second and forth! I can't say more ….

I HAVE BORN AGAIN

wow, have I been so late to be here???
I'm  so sorry ,but i have been extermly BUSY, too many things up and more down !
it's a transmision period between childhood and adulthood , all those 19 years i was a baby and now at 20th i'm an adult !
My "this year" birthday was so special ! it's the first time i celebrate it without my family _haven't i say i'm adult now?!_after some days a freind of mine surprised me with a fantastic news , he has just had a baby sister and he named her as my name .... she has born nearly at the same day of mine , her name is the same and i feel part of me is there born with her.... i'm waiting seeing her as my own baby !
i can say i have changed too many ones i have known without my consciousness  , by one way or another i have changed some body ,,,, yes i can say so!
my dream to be a doctor grows every day as my other baby , knowing persons closely and realize how great they are what makes me still love life !
i went today with group of my colleuges to guide the Brand new medical students who have just arrived to college , it's not my first experience so i had no difficulty with that.....
every thing this year is different , me .. myself is different from head to toe ____________this is what can i say for now
see ya!

I live by the beach

Crying is what I remember that Sunday , it's situation doesn't need to be cried for!
I recall the moment the last time I hugged her and kissed her goodbye , with our  tears  washing my cheek and hers…
Next day my friends at college said are you sure it wasn't your marriage yesterday (opening mouth  of my beauty hhhhh I'm kidding)
Wednesday was horrible , my friend fainted with hypocalcaemia ! I didn't know what I was feeling all I remember I took off her shoes and carried them with my hand in middle of the college as we delivered her to Emergency at hospital nearby!
Today was full of adventures , at physiology lab we had an experiment of RBC count , I have bad memories with blood! Every time I see someone Sucking it with needle my heart beats fasten and I go unconscious!
More over I insisted to  be the donor of the blood and the one I sucks it with pipette!
I fainted !well, I have to strengthen my heart ! 

After this lab we have lecture  also of physiology , frankly I didn't understand any thing .. feeling my brain would explode at any moment! Then I lastly looked at data show seeing some student sitting at first stage setting near a fan and his hair was jut FLYING , I poked Susu and said look at him I feel am in the beach , she burst  laughing !
This slightly move my feeling and get me out of unconsciousness !
I'm tired , I'm lost ,    not feeing my days , I don't know it's hard to explain so I'll stop here avoiding more internal crying !

Berserk ocean

Help please !
Am heading to be crazy ??!
Everyone is getting away from me , far away from me ….
No one is near, all are in the distance ~
No one to talk to ,
I feel nobody is close enough to understand ! I'm in a very tough emotional crisis.
New life , the first time in my life I feel responsibility! With no one near to even hear me!
My sister , her marriage next week, this means all those years will go with the wind , just will DISAPPEAR!
In this month long, my family leave to Beirut! Another responsibility !
My brother busy with his work , starting to  think about his own life.
My little sister has began  her new year in school .

I'm like a broken boat in middle of a Berserk ocean ! 

 

My friend is busy with her 2nd attempt exams! Other one hasn't got used to life here yet !
College is so boring and hard ,.. I feel it has no taste … I can't smell the breeze I used to smell , I can't see faces I need to see !
………….. silence !

I love you , don't leave !

Masha'a allah days pass so fast! It's like yesterday since the summer vacation began ! 27-9 I must be ready to go to college again !
I don't have any clue if I 'm exiting to attend college or not ! but any way it's better than this situation .
THEY packed my sister's luggage today , she is preparing to move to her husband's family's house , frankly speaking … I didn't give any participation in this bcoz I'm sure that would breake my heart ! I can't explain it , she is like my soulmate, my brain twin ! she is designed how I've been designed . I don't deny I differ from her so much , but I'm like her … and the first one I put In the foregroundTo take advice IS HER , coz I trust her.. and trust what she thinks .

I' afraid that she will leave us , leave me ! I'm afraid even to think about it !
Who I'm going to ask if I get into trouble ???although if I get into troubles I seldom ask someone's help ; I prefer mange them by myself , but having her beside me ,, feeling her she would be with me any time .. every time I want her to be is a great feeling , it's like having a gentle hand will never ..ever let you fall on the ground! Never let you down … so to whom I will talk ?? I know I'm used to talk to myself in my problems … with whom I will laugh ?? with whom I will cook ??who is going to tell me right from wrong ?! I trust I have mom ,dad and a little sister and a brother .. but she is different … she is another case !!

I think with myself sometimes how life without her would be ?
I escape asking her or talking to her about this stuff ,,and if I talk to her about it I make myself never mind or don't know what are the consequences … I know she understand me .. and read my thoughts and she also afraid of talking about it …
Will I still silent till I lose her ??!
I think other times how we grew together these yesteryears , how we spent the hard times of siege together .. having fun and living with peace .. I remember how we played with our dolls ,, how we scrabbled together.. how we use to love each other ….
Silent .. I decide to stop right here !by this song :

You make me feel funny
When you come around
Yeah that's what I found out honey
What am I doing without you
You make me feel happy
When I leave you behind
It plays on my mind now honey
What am I doing without you


Took for granted everything we had
As if I'd find someone
Who's just like you

We got a little world of our own
I'll tell you things that no one else knows
I let you in where no-one else goes
What am I doing without you
And all of the things I've been looking for
Have always been here outside of my door
And all of the time I'm looking for something new
What am I doing without you

Well I guess I'm ready
For settling down
And fooling around is over
And I swear that it's true
No buts or maybes
When I'm falling down
There's always someone who saves me
And girl it's you

Funny how life can be so surprising
I'm just realizing what you do

We got a little world of our own
I'll tell you things that no one else knows
I let you in where no-one else goes
What am I doing without you
And all of the things I've been looking for
Have always been here outside of my door
And all of the time I'm looking for something new
What am I doing without you

Well it's feeling right now
So let's do it right now
Praying that some how
You will understand the way
It's feeling right now somehow
I won't let this slip away

We got a little world of our own
I'll tell you things that no one else knows
I let you in where no-one else goes
What am I doing without you
And all of the things I've been looking for
Have always been here outside of my door
And all of the time I'm looking for something new
What am I doing without you!!!