Me and the eivils

 
Have you every had this feeling?when everything is turned black to you, you can't trust any one ,
all of people have turned evils to you with no mercy and humanity !

I think once again, what has happened to make  me feel like this?
Who I'll blame ? me ? others ?my stupidity?folly?my bad ideologies ?
Or my innocence shell , that I refuse to get out of it!
Yes, I think a lot, and blame, punish myself for nothing
All I'll gonna say, sorry for being human !

When I'll be alive?

Hahaha!

Who has said , Iraq Is a hell is not wrong at all !
all people are not ready to change , all of them are not even trying to forgive each other and forget the past !
all are eating the flesh of all !

how you can live in a place , every thing is a matter of killing and blood?

You can't breath an air , and if you do so , your lung will be filled with gunpowder and God knows what's else!
And Iraq still doesn't have government !
hahaha , and sorry for those hahahas , I'm Iraqi and every body sees me and hears the word Iraqi in an air port for example  would check me and get afraid if I'm Alibaba or something!
I'm not a human , people ...
yes , you people all around the world ... listen UP!!
Iraqis are not humans , they are devoid of any right , they have nothing to do in their lives and their lives aren't WORTHY!
If 60 Iraqis as minimum are killed by a bomb in Baghdad and , it's not a big deal and if some Americans or Europeans  killed it's all the deal!
i don't know what's the difference between us and them ?!
would anybody read here make a fave. and tell me?!
they have brains , we do
they have hearts and feelings , we do
they have families and children , WE DO!!
they have value , WE DON"T !
don't laugh at us and say you have democracy and other don't , coz frankly it is n't working !

SOoO , when I'll smell the Lavender and play violin?
SOoO, when I'll be Alive?

Memory of the corpus

Alright ,Nothing could make me cheerful but seeing my nephew and of course his mother ,


It's like yesterday when I first held him, and I noticed his strong personality since then !

...


Many time my friends keep telling me I'm always not satisfied withevery thing and every time , I don't know … I feel they are right , but I miss the appropriate environment !

I'm always keep saying , this is not my place I should act in  , it's not me here …

I feel is just my body here and the soul in another place
...


I don’t know what I was thinking when I asked my rearders "you" if have any information about good universities !

I feel so pushed some times !
...


Heard about 3 months ago about the series based on ahlam Mustaghanmi's big work "thakerat aljasad" , I can't deny I felt so anxious to see it but i was shoked by the series this Ramathan ., i feel it's  BORING
I see that I have more imagination when I read the novel , and I have the right to put the events and the personalities at the right place,

Feeling that the feelings in the series are so cold, there is something missing !, the senario is not written by Ahlam !

Although "Jamal Sulyman " is the one of the actors whom I love , he has a good "plane" personality which can fit many roles …but i feel he is not the right guy here!?

And Amal Bshousha

 the actress I have seen the first time , she fascinated me from the first look and I said at that moment

"المخرج خوش حياة كن لقى"

Translation:

"the director did so well chosing this woman full of Feminine !!!"

She is like Hayat ( the one in the novel), in every thing .. her secret beauty , In her secret attractiveness ,her artfulness and her body color .. she is swarthy as Hayat !

By other phrase she is Hayat exactly !

but I 've heard she was chosed by Ahlam (the writer) herself , so I 'm not surprised then!and at the same time I've read she was competed in the T.V show that I have not seen a single episode of it " star acadmy" back then .,  and this point which I didn't favored …

Alright, you can read this ..

Confession

Yes, I'm sorry>>>> maybe I overreacted … may be –in fact I'm- very sensitive. I do admit when I find something doesn't rhyme with what I see , I just shrank without facing the matter  and surrender. In fact and I'm sure that I have the sufficient ability to face it and the capability of  proving  my point of view.  

Maybe it's the consequences of the exams , and the hot weather, yes… believe it .. as I was studying today in my oven ; sorry my room I was about to melt and my brain was about to melt ,too.!!!!!the prblem i can't syudy other place !

Dad says it's always your worry about all simple things that makes the matters affect negatively on you. I knew a girl in my high school , she used to say to me" violet, your hair is going to whiten before its normal time". And every time I worry about things I remember this sentence but can't stop my silly worry.

I have reached something that NOTHING and NOBODY ever and never will stop me to be what I always  dream ~~~~ is to be a doctor . no matter  if that one was special or not!

I can promise anybody cares about me here that " I'll never let you down, I'll try what in my capacity  and even much much more so that not to be in sorrow some day in my life"

At the end I love you my other family, my other world …….

 

The End

Desperate Dreams

As a student who has finished her  high school from nearly three months or more, I was thinking what college I'm going to join?- I had made up my mind since childhood but that thinking was just for averment - . here in Mosul there is one governmental university that called : University of Mosul, and other non-governmental universities.

Here as opposite of nearly  the whole world, the governmental schools are better than non- governmental school. It has text books that used in the US, in England and even in Canada.

In fact, that was not the only thing . there are too many colleges are ignored here and are not taking the proper care like: the Engineering, Biology, Chemistry, and even Medicine and Pharmacy; When the Engineering is the most requested career in other countries like Malaysia which is one of the countries that Iraqis go to for getting jobs or escaping from the actual situation. Doctors were threatened here , the best doctors of the world ever have left Iraq to find peace and to work for other countries while Iraq is the most deserved country that they must serve.

I heard of  too many doctors and Iraqi scientists who  had to leave Iraq for NO REASON at  all and have to suffer the pain of being away from their homes. They are treasure… people!!! In other countries that they left  to ,United Arab  Emirates(UAE) for  example,  they are at the head of their career and no one can deny their competence.

Why do  they have to leave Iraq ??!!!

I had a problem of sleeping last night , I couldn't sleep well.. and I have this problem since I finished my High school.. IMAGINE!! And I have a feed problem , my weight now is 46.9 Kg that means lighter than a bag of wheat hahaha. I measured my blood pressure today and it is 12.8/ 6.5, it's so better than yesterday… it was 9.8/ 6.5.

Hopefully I'll get over these problems  when I start my college.

Actually I was thinking of my future and I was feeling so depressed .. please tell  me something that will give my  hope back… I usually get to be in this situation  .. the psychologists – in fact – I  refer it to the routine… oh till when  should I afford this tragedy??

I know this post is the contrary of the last post of mine .. please forgive me my friends .. people get to be depressed sometimes.. and this time I just can't hide it anymore!!

I'll go tomorrow to join college . and I hope this is a brand new step of my life that will be the doorway to a brighter  future    ..

I wait for the next opportunity that makes me here again.. till that time  all I can say: please pray for me and wish me  a good luck.

I have a kitten that I like,  I called her Lulu here is her photo:

And this is a pigeon that always comes to our house: