When I'll be alive?

Hahaha!

Who has said , Iraq Is a hell is not wrong at all !
all people are not ready to change , all of them are not even trying to forgive each other and forget the past !
all are eating the flesh of all !

how you can live in a place , every thing is a matter of killing and blood?

You can't breath an air , and if you do so , your lung will be filled with gunpowder and God knows what's else!
And Iraq still doesn't have government !
hahaha , and sorry for those hahahas , I'm Iraqi and every body sees me and hears the word Iraqi in an air port for example  would check me and get afraid if I'm Alibaba or something!
I'm not a human , people ...
yes , you people all around the world ... listen UP!!
Iraqis are not humans , they are devoid of any right , they have nothing to do in their lives and their lives aren't WORTHY!
If 60 Iraqis as minimum are killed by a bomb in Baghdad and , it's not a big deal and if some Americans or Europeans  killed it's all the deal!
i don't know what's the difference between us and them ?!
would anybody read here make a fave. and tell me?!
they have brains , we do
they have hearts and feelings , we do
they have families and children , WE DO!!
they have value , WE DON"T !
don't laugh at us and say you have democracy and other don't , coz frankly it is n't working !

SOoO , when I'll smell the Lavender and play violin?
SOoO, when I'll be Alive?

Uniforming my life

I think sometimes to be a philosopher and to start talking like a dork or something :D , but at the last second I see it's so nasty to write your diaries by this way !

Today mama bought me a Gray skirt and a white jacket for college, they impose the uniform this year and I have to wear the same color every day and especially colors : Gray , dark blue which are the colors of the uniform, mama supports the idea that it's better to have a good thing to wear all the year than thinking of what to wear the next day every day !in her view it's waste of time , she said when she was a student she had to wear uniform too, and even after graduation .. she had to wear it at her office ( Computer Center , Mosul University ), when the computer was a fantastic thing that only programmers know how to ride it :P

I don't like the idea depends on the latter reason I have mentioned above , coz I HATE routine :D.

I read these days " geniality of Mohammed " , of Abaas Mahmoud al3kad , it's a worthy book to read !

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The back yard now is clean without the dirties of my little sister's rabbits , she wanted them very bad at the beginning but she is geek in something called " Hygiene " :D , so when she saw and realized they are living creatures , she changed her mind and tried to make herself forget to feed them every day , so we had to feed them .finally Baba decided to move them to other place … hhhh.

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I feel so lazy to cook these days , I feel I'm exhausted, EMPTY of the will to do anything , as the result mama moralized me with wigging to EAT , " you are now half of yourself " :D , she said . Baba whenever I see him he start saying " look at you , what happened , eat !! ". I asked My big sister today to find a way to stop losing my hair , and she also scolded me !!! " you are not eating enough " . Ah God!

Now I even don't have the mood I used to have , the patinence I had and the affability.. believing the phrase saying : who satisfies , satisfies .and who doesn't , let him bunt his head to the wall ". is it not okay to feel like this ?

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BTW, i want you to start guessing what is this :D

Violet Shots and Disappointments

I don't have any thing to say now but to celebrate Violet for peace's birthday, This is my first post : Global warming .... and to inaugurate my new blog violet-shots.blogspot.com..

and if you want tخ read these lines , you welcome but it's nothing but talking ..talking without a listener !


talking to my friend now she is in Iraq now! she has been ibn batuta , leaving Baghdad, goهing to Kirkuk ,, leaving Kirkuk ,, going to Tikrit ! and i have never seen a place but Mosul and North of Iraq...
Today was boring with every thing this word can mean
I woke up at 12:30 PM ,,,, have nothing to do !! it's like you are in prison , prison with no charge !!
I think some times what the sky has thrown me here ??!!
It's my place .. my home ... but i cant stand it any more !! it chokes me with its love ! can't imagine to leave it and dream and wait any chance to get out of it ,, weird !!!!


Damn ,, it's something cant rid of !
It's without meaning !! my life now is without meaning !
That scraps about FULL OF ENRGY was a lie , a lie , I was faking it to shut up my mind form thinking ??!
and where the heaven that Energy will come from !?!? hhhahahaha


it's disappointment ! when someone can't find anything to raise his gages up but lies to his self ... lies to his mind .. to his dreams ,,, to his ambitions ...
WOW ... it's not life !

I will Survive !

Spending night till 4 am on Computer, hanging out here and there … down loading a novel here .. uploading a book there …and then did Fajir prayer and went to bed like a baby !
It's tedium and loss of entusiasm AGAIN ,, and when the sky it wasn't it?!?!?!
Thinking of my youth is flowing like rapid Dijla water in Spring … without doing anything makes me satisfy of myself …
Even I've joined medical college , a year of that .. but I faced people and circumstances made me EMPTY of hope ,, Empty till I've become thirsty! .
I think .. living here is like a hell …
You can do nothing to stop wasting and misspending your life seeing your people dying before your eyes instead of Helping them to rise up !!!!
Girl at my age in other place ,,, has 10000000 times of rights more than me !



I've been bored of being the CUREENT ME !!!
I've been bored of seeing blood in streets !!
I've been bored of seeing people killed because they are SOMEBODY and Follow some concepts !!
I've been bored of wandering in streets to see them full of army like I'm in a battle field !!!
I've been bored of seeing streets full of clefts and on the sides demolished buldings and houses like I'm living in some where doesn't seem to have any relationship to civilization !!
I've been bored of seeing My country's culture in museums out of it .. after been stolen before IRAQIS !!!
I've been bored of being helpless
I've been bored
I've been bored
.
.
.
.
Till I change my current situation !!
And life goes on !! :))

My Templates crisis

That template despite some of my readers disliking it,but abviously it dislikes me. suddenly when i was checking my blog i saw it became cretin, i don't know how.. i don't know why ??!!! If the life wants  me to be dark, so be it !!

It contains NO (Violet)

Yes, my new layout contains no violet. you know why?? I can't distinguish colors and people any more!!!!!

Violet Is Sad

It was really bad day today!!! We had 3 exams !!! OMG. I was studying too hard last night even since Friday .. I was sure that I'll do fine with them but soon it was proven contrarily.. You have no idea how I feel depressed now .. even in one of them I was asked to do the refractive index experiment .. can you believe I forgot how to do it !!! after having a sufficient shock in the first exam I forgot even what time is was or where I have been !!! indeed very bad !!!!

Even with the computers' exam; I didn't know what had happened to me !!! this is the  last thing I care about..  coz I really    love computers .. anyway the college today was empty .. just the workers and us !!! and it was really dull  .. I stopped thinking for a second and I started to find 

a way to put an end to this mess , but soon I realized that there is no solution .. time is passing and it doesn't wait anybody… no matter who is he.. after returning home .. I started crying..  I really felt helpless .. my family tried to encourage me … all of them actually .. but my father said " my daughter, dear.. please forget what has happened and let what occurred today behind your back.. this is not the end of life!!, with your achievements  .. you must say that to people and not to been said!!.. to forget every bad thing, and start from the beginning no matter how bad the past was … " anyway I felt a little relieved after hearing that and tiny spots of hope returned again to my uneasy face ..

Sorry guys this post caused a big depression to you .. but if I can't say what I feel on my blog .. where the sky can I say it ..

BTW, a big explosion has just happened .. It shocked me !!! indeed it's unbearable day !! right?

  

Refractive index

D

uring my lecture of physics.. I was asked with two of my colleagues .. two girls who don't share me the energy and the love of life that I have, to do an experiment about the refractive index of a glass block.. after three times doing the experiments .. (I) finally found it … cuz I felt so angry of their carelessness.

But what I have found out  that there is not only a refractive index for glass or water or any medium .. in fact there are refractive indexes also for people…

I found out ..the life is  a medium and every person has a different refractive index , when he gets though it. Some people have a large one and some people have a small one. Everyone according to his faith and how much he believes what he believes. Some people consider the life as a draft and they are ready to go wherever it's gonna to take them.. not ready to make themselves as a hyper power which can change anything!

But the disgusting thing that.. there are people who have the ability to have any refractive index that they want( in Arabic word – have two faces).

Ohhh… how the sky can they do this??!!!  How can they say something that they don't believe.. my goodness!!

I think just the one who doesn't have the trust in his self can do that.. it's such a bad thing!

the reason of saying that .. I'm feeling most of the people around me can't understand what I'm doing .. I find no one who can share me the same feeling .. with honest feeling and without artificial senses that it's not necessary  to show in order to make people believe you.

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It was my birthday yesterday .. it was really bleak day!!!

Only three of my friends remembered that it was my birthday.. I was going to cry.. but as soon as I realized there is no benefit of crying!

i really felt so sad .. especially this is so important to me cuz i have reached the 19 .. some people consider the 18 as a maturity age. i think maturity age the person himself can decide it. when he is ready to make  proper decisions that he is responsible for everything he says and does and ready for any consequences ...

The one of age 18 .. he is still a young adult needs help to stand on his own legs to face the difficulties of life.. but at the same time i believe, if he has not become a mature at that age he will not be ever .. 

sorry I know some of my saying are not easy to understand .. cuz I caught flue yesterday and I really have a very  annoying  headache- imagine how a bad day was yesterday!!! ..

please accept my regards and wish me Good Luck!

your friend;

Violet.