listen ..

While I'm Reading today a book(Dr. Gary Chapman –Five languages of love)  , An idea sparkled in my mind .. 

there are many people we live with , but we can't stand living beside them .. there is love indeed but there is nothing else beside it..there is no harmony !

we can find them once in our sadness and another during our cheerfulness and felicity .. but we can't understand what they really want and we all we do is surrender !

we reach a point that we are going to decide this is the end , and nothing going on but aversion and absence of harmony !

we have forgotten something pretty important , the language  that the other person need in order to feel he/she is loved .. 

Maybe the way we need different from others wishes in order to feel love and care .. 

art work by : Adam martikins 

this book as I see , is not dedicated to lovers and couples only  , it's a way of life ..

as I always say , there no book we can't get a better idea from it , these papers and ink have not put for nothing !

okay let's go back , Dr.Chapman says there is 5 languages of love, one of them is devoting time for whom we love , a man came to him saying he was an idiot , he was the cause of his wife depart from the house , he said .. she used to come home every day telling him her problems in work , he kept adviced her what to do and what to not , and each day the same scenario was repeated again and again , ended with his refusal to listen  for any more  of  same problems unless she does what he has told her , okay there is something missing he didn't get the message , she was seeking for support for listening not for talking and prejudujment ..!

we need to listen sometimes more than we talk , and sometimes other don't seeks us for advice , there is something more important ,, it's LOVE !
---

Talking out NOT loudly !

Every Step you make in this life , either gives you a push or gives you a slap,

Every person you trust , either gives you hope or steals everything you have !

Nothing we have is truly ours , we just fake it , pretend … we have friends … life or a knowledge and so on!

I hated the idea of blogging a while ago , there is no big deal happening in my life , no new places to visit … these exams have sucked my blood !.. and pharmacology , was a nightmare!

Tomorrow is the last exam .. ah!

Is there any one still reading here ?!

Thanks !

Ah, my God !
Finally that black cloud vanished  from my sky !
My vital energy  has returned , and my love to life is knocking my door …
Thank you , God .. for everything !

Wondering #2

Why the life is such a mean?
Why does the person have to transform many of his/her  principles and views in order to live ?
Why should he/she  have  many faces to overcome the people's scratching of their reputation ?
Why should he /she have to pronounce his/her religion in every word just to convince people she/he is religious and afraid of God (pious) while she/he is SO MEAN!!!
Why life has turned upside down , either I can't understand it , or it's so tough to understand!

It's life!

It's life with its mysterious way , makes us over clouds happy and then sink us in the mud of our miserable days !

Makes us unambitious  and then a mountain  of dreams and hopes ..!

Full fills us with love and then steals it from us .. fights us for it!






It's rosy and black!

It's beautiful and ugly ..!

It's worthy and rubbish !

It's honey sweet and wormwood bitter ..

It's angles full of goodness and devils full of malevolence…

Oh.. God I love life .. just to make you  satisfy ..

And hate it and want it to en just  to hasten my meeting with you .. My lord !

---

 Listen to this Iraqi tones ♫♪♪♪

Ya naba'at el rihan - saad albayati

When I'll be alive?

Hahaha!

Who has said , Iraq Is a hell is not wrong at all !
all people are not ready to change , all of them are not even trying to forgive each other and forget the past !
all are eating the flesh of all !

how you can live in a place , every thing is a matter of killing and blood?

You can't breath an air , and if you do so , your lung will be filled with gunpowder and God knows what's else!
And Iraq still doesn't have government !
hahaha , and sorry for those hahahas , I'm Iraqi and every body sees me and hears the word Iraqi in an air port for example  would check me and get afraid if I'm Alibaba or something!
I'm not a human , people ...
yes , you people all around the world ... listen UP!!
Iraqis are not humans , they are devoid of any right , they have nothing to do in their lives and their lives aren't WORTHY!
If 60 Iraqis as minimum are killed by a bomb in Baghdad and , it's not a big deal and if some Americans or Europeans  killed it's all the deal!
i don't know what's the difference between us and them ?!
would anybody read here make a fave. and tell me?!
they have brains , we do
they have hearts and feelings , we do
they have families and children , WE DO!!
they have value , WE DON"T !
don't laugh at us and say you have democracy and other don't , coz frankly it is n't working !

SOoO , when I'll smell the Lavender and play violin?
SOoO, when I'll be Alive?

Forbidden Boys

When I first entered college , I was too shy !

Or as a matter of fact , I thought boys are dangerous thing , so they isolate us from them for about 10 years , hoping that when we and them get into college , each of us are adults enough  by then !

I supposed  this , any way!

During  high school , and when I go to market or something , and it happens if I see a boy , I get so confused and my face blushes , and this continued for about 1 month of the college !

And then I was introduced to persons that break my shyness down , I always say if I'm a shy I wouldn't change !

Okay , all right !

They use to say to me I'm a leader personality !  but i always need a push , but I don't agree with them

I always adore peace and calmness and hates people gossip and chet chat !

At the same time I have the ability to listen and to be a friend to the most difficult personality in the world , it won't be more complicated than me any way … at least as I think !

okay , let's return to what I was saying..

I got involved in many activities in college , and I got over my shyness problem , but I faced another problem as a result !

The 10 years of isolation between boys and girls , as much as it's useful and wise as much as it is unfair !

How can a boy doesn't speak to a girl for 10 years , gets used to the presence of her might sit next to him at the chair in a lecture ! he is human being at the end!

All right , my personality is always encouraging …

I encourage every person that I think he/ she has talent in any thing !!

But this is not normal thing for a girl , here !

There is a rule … you encourage >>>> you care !

How stupid that rule is ?!!?

Me, myself love writing so much, in Arabic or in English , and I wrote for the first time at the first year of college !

And for this I considered not a normal , girl !

If you are beautiful , clever , has other interests other than medicine , you are not normal !

So be ready to have harasses , get envied and hear gossips for things deserve and other and are the most NOT!!

I won't tell what those people said about me , they are all ignorant and don't deserve my attention , at least this is what I try to persuade myself in !

Now

-I don't dare to ask a male-colleague how is he … this  will  be understood BY ANOTHER WAY!

-I don't dare to write publicly , this  will  be understood BY ANOTHER WAY!

-I don't dare to have public discussion , this  will  be understood BY ANOTHER WAY!

When I still had a face book account which I hate the most , there was a male- friend , whom I respect very much , he is open minded and older  than me , I didn't dare to congratulate him for his birthday_ in spite knowing when is it by my events in that damned face book_by sending something on his wall , coz this will be explained by another way  by my friends or by his ! and I didn’t dare to congratulate him by a private message coz I fear the word private by itself and till know I blame myself for not wishing him a happy birthday !

For a reason of my raising up environment and my family's way in education , I wasn't shocked by dealing with boys , at the contrast, I feel so happy when I discuss worthy things with boys more than girls , and i don't know the reason behind that !...  and by a reason of having an angelic brother , I thought all the boys are angels like him!this fact is not true , with sorrow

I talk too much now a days , don’t get used to it , I'm so moody as you know , but this may be continued !

And before i forget , special thanks to all my readers form Istanbul , and of course all around the world .

Woman's case part #2 : marriage issue

Insomnia !


What a problem !!

I haven't had insomnia since late July

Always , I think if you want to find out how a community could be , listen to their music and watch their movies and series show …

And Arab countries are fantastic example !

" I wanna marry", is the translation of an Egyptian series show title  , shown on about 6 T.V channels during Ramadan ..

The story is based on comedy –real life events which gone through by an Egyptian woman as an example of an Arabian woman in her "holy" journey of marriage !!!

The main character is a pharmacist young beautiful lady , cant rid of her mother insistence to find her the "happy ever after" bride groom.

The woman here whatever was her knowledge , if never get married before the age of 30, nobody looks  at her face  and she looks like as piece of trash , sorry Arabian woman for this rude term of mine !

I'm a woman like you , oblivious ladies !!

I have the right to feel like human being who doesn't have an expire date !!

I agree that woman has menopause by the age of 55 in the best cases , but the importance of her is only about children and sexuality ???

Enough for the sake of the Holly God's name !

The Arabian "gentle "man has got so far unfairly !

I refuse being part of this , refuse being someone who has nothing to do in her life but having birth and work like a donkey all the day long from sunshine to sunset day and night !
As an arabian woman , i'm not allowed to even to think to study out of my "Disgusting " city , and i don't have the right to travel with out a " male protector " who must be either my husbed (God forbid), my uncle or my brother or my nephew !
If I think to go to Mecca i shuld take any army with me !


We have rights for the God's sake !

BTW, I refuse also the stupid thought about equality between women and men (sorry for putting woman first , but ladies first as you say GENTLEMEN!), and I have mentioned it before , I refuse being equal to someone devoid of feelings and doesn't think about woman but in work and satisfying his OWN needs !

I refuse making woman like machine , Work at her place , works at work place , raising up children and has the responsibility of making her " Dignified" king (her husband ) happy !!

The woman needs to feel like human , needs to feel free in making her own decisions !

Needs to have the ability to decide her own pathway away from the pressure of marriage and children , She needs to fill her mind before even thinking  to marry , it's NOT a game , I think !

People round here has turned to machines , I have never heard about any love story that makes storms and dares to face the world

All I hear is "traditional " marriage that based on the Mother visiting the girl's house and deside if she :

1- Has a worthy salary or not!( does she work or not ?? )

2- Beautiful or not

3- Has a family that has a good mask , ah I mean a good reputation!

4- Being submissive to her future husband or not !

5- And lastly devoid of dreams





Guys , I feel tired of this community , it drives me crazy !!

How a marriage could be done by only seeing the girl and the guy form first look and asking some questions about his family , and believe me his/her family reputation is more important than her/his own reputation here  !?

I think from my view they should know each other , at least know what are the dreams of each other , what are their common needs and aspirations …

At least they must work together !!

Alright may be I have to finish this later …

Woman ful awarness is the aim

I publish this aiming for women's full awarness , starting from thier health and then to thier minds

While I was searching about the moon's effect on humans and the effect of lunar light on women , I stumbled by these web-pages , what can I say , I'm interested in the subject of fertility and sertility and the whole endocrine stuff !
Here you are :

What Really Happens in those 28 Days?!
The diabetes and its relation to this matter


To be continued ...

Memory of the corpus

Alright ,Nothing could make me cheerful but seeing my nephew and of course his mother ,


It's like yesterday when I first held him, and I noticed his strong personality since then !

...


Many time my friends keep telling me I'm always not satisfied withevery thing and every time , I don't know … I feel they are right , but I miss the appropriate environment !

I'm always keep saying , this is not my place I should act in  , it's not me here …

I feel is just my body here and the soul in another place
...


I don’t know what I was thinking when I asked my rearders "you" if have any information about good universities !

I feel so pushed some times !
...


Heard about 3 months ago about the series based on ahlam Mustaghanmi's big work "thakerat aljasad" , I can't deny I felt so anxious to see it but i was shoked by the series this Ramathan ., i feel it's  BORING
I see that I have more imagination when I read the novel , and I have the right to put the events and the personalities at the right place,

Feeling that the feelings in the series are so cold, there is something missing !, the senario is not written by Ahlam !

Although "Jamal Sulyman " is the one of the actors whom I love , he has a good "plane" personality which can fit many roles …but i feel he is not the right guy here!?

And Amal Bshousha

 the actress I have seen the first time , she fascinated me from the first look and I said at that moment

"المخرج خوش حياة كن لقى"

Translation:

"the director did so well chosing this woman full of Feminine !!!"

She is like Hayat ( the one in the novel), in every thing .. her secret beauty , In her secret attractiveness ,her artfulness and her body color .. she is swarthy as Hayat !

By other phrase she is Hayat exactly !

but I 've heard she was chosed by Ahlam (the writer) herself , so I 'm not surprised then!and at the same time I've read she was competed in the T.V show that I have not seen a single episode of it " star acadmy" back then .,  and this point which I didn't favored …

Alright, you can read this ..

I wish I have NOT returned !

Ah God,

It's the first time i breathe an air that doesn't contain killed people blood.. doesn’t contain hit men's breaths

It's first time I feel I'm alive , I'm human …

Mockingly I have this feeling outside my country , which I love/hate more than anything else.

I returned yesterday morning, and after return I entered  into a deep depressing chaos !



I don't want to live here any more …!

I hoped that after I return I'll see Iraq's government will be established!

And nothing has happened but murders and blood!

When we will live like humans ?

When I will have that right to walk in the street with no need for somebody to protect me ?

When I will have the right to act , wear, dream , talk and aspire freely with no fear only from my God?!

When I will see hospitals are clean?

When I'm going to see mosul is clean?

When I will see my collage is on of the best in the world as it's used to be?!!

سُحقا لكل من يريد تدمير معنويات الناس وأحلامهم

سُحقا لكل من يتربص بالناس الفرص ، للايقاع بهم وقتلهم من دون اية ذنب!

سُحقا للمهمشين الذي يظهرون فجأة ويختفون كالصراصير التي تحاول نثر براثنها القذرة في عقولنا

لعنهم الله واخزاهم ، وحفظنا شهرهم

I'm planning to write again in my blog"يالله عيني سولفلنا",

I thank new followers who have joined violet for peace in my absence …

And I wish you Happy, blessed Ramathan :)

Women in Mosul part#1

My city , is Mosul as you know


A big city located in the north of Iraq , it has so many traditions and they are religion conserving ,

About all the things here are forbidden to be done , or nearly are forbidden !

Not because of religion .. it's because of their tiny heads and brains

The city , and its people it's not opened to the world .. and not ready to contain any new thoughts and views ..\

The woman here is like a machine , her duty is to work , making food, cleaning home and raising Childs !

If she ever thinks to think or to try to see where she is and what is her purpose in life , it's got punished if not physically … psychologically !

The society here is not poised to include woman , and it considers here like a forbidden thing they even call her "Hurma" !

They've a little developed these last 40 years , so they gave the woman the ability and the right to work "out side the house" LOL!

And this so-called equality to man , not added to her anything but fatigue and bitterness .

And anything bad happened to their children and house , ll the responsibility is thrown upon her back!

Does it really exist till now ?!

Is it really exist ?


That true love ?

Is it a real feeing , or we are just counting on something silly doesn't really exist ?

I was chocked this recent time for marrying of some one of my friends , I don’t know what  was she thinking of when she decided to love him !

He doesn't deserve her !

Okay , let's return to the beginning …

If he really loves her as she does .. and then after some years of love and marriage … and then(2) love ran out ! and there is no a bit understanding between them suddenly !

What the hell will happen then !?

Me, my self believe in the first look love but with full compromise form the two sides for a life time love and for ever !

What do you think ?

Let's fly away !!

Insomnia … lack of feeding … and my weight gets lower and lower :(


I don't feel like to eat anything , it's all the same for me !

At the beginning I was reading 3 books/day … now I'm not reading even a phrase !

I don't contact any one of my friends as I used to do before , I switched  off my mobile phone and live peacefully :D

I'm planning to learn how to drive a car !

I think I'm allowed to drive one now, o can’t help not feeling afraid from the road … checkpoints and those nasty driver out there without even a bicycle driving license!

I don't feel like even  to do my ever loved hobby , drawing :(

I'm bored …

And waiting.... !

Fly with me …

Come fly away

Good morning Miss pure heart!

What I have done?!

where the hell am I now?!

who is beside me and who is against me ?

I'm lost again!

was a sleep for that along while and "awakned" from time to time by some way or another! by somebody or another ! dealing with all as the same , no hate in my heart and I take everything by innocence !

Oh, God !!! what I have done to make me deal with such people! God, If this is a test I will be patient coz I believe in your mercy !






God ,please forgive me ! please guide me!

These few days life has welcomed me and opened  her wide gate  , I don't know if I'm ready to see her ugly face ,,, but I'll face it sooner or later ! my innocence will end today or tomorrow! I'm gonna grow up this minute or the next !

I used to say I will never change , I will be as my dad and mom have brought me up ! but I just can't ! my pure heart has no place among these black ones…. Oh , I can't imagine how I was a fool ! yes, innocent one is a fool with privilege !!!!!

I can consider this year as a test for me , and I wonder If i even can pass this test without failure !!!! 

If you weren't a wolf , wolfs gonna  eat you ! … this is my motto now !

Guys forgive me … I'm changed from this second and forth! I can't say more ….

That simple line

 The happiness I seek all my life ..

It has no a specific definition ! with whom … how … where .. when … I don't know .. all I know is to feel it someday ~ to feel something I missed here .. I don't have it .. yes , I won't

There is a simple, thin  line  separates between geniality and foolishness.. this is what I am this

where I am .

Sometimes I feel having the brain capable capable of ruling  the world , but others I see I'm the most stupid human beings that ever born on earth!

Sometimes a simple thing , a silly thing .. a corny thing that may happen with you at any time …. Can make you cry … make you shut your mouth for a second and just think what it's your purpose ??!?!?

Why you are here ?? and why you are you??

You finishes shutting your mouth and then return to your life .. faking that you have not lived that second … pretending you have not thought of that … pretending you're strong and you don't have to live those silly moments ! … believe me .. you are living them every second , every breath , every time !

Feel this second now  , and then tell me what happened , and what did  you conclud?

  

I love you , don't leave !

Masha'a allah days pass so fast! It's like yesterday since the summer vacation began ! 27-9 I must be ready to go to college again !
I don't have any clue if I 'm exiting to attend college or not ! but any way it's better than this situation .
THEY packed my sister's luggage today , she is preparing to move to her husband's family's house , frankly speaking … I didn't give any participation in this bcoz I'm sure that would breake my heart ! I can't explain it , she is like my soulmate, my brain twin ! she is designed how I've been designed . I don't deny I differ from her so much , but I'm like her … and the first one I put In the foregroundTo take advice IS HER , coz I trust her.. and trust what she thinks .

I' afraid that she will leave us , leave me ! I'm afraid even to think about it !
Who I'm going to ask if I get into trouble ???although if I get into troubles I seldom ask someone's help ; I prefer mange them by myself , but having her beside me ,, feeling her she would be with me any time .. every time I want her to be is a great feeling , it's like having a gentle hand will never ..ever let you fall on the ground! Never let you down … so to whom I will talk ?? I know I'm used to talk to myself in my problems … with whom I will laugh ?? with whom I will cook ??who is going to tell me right from wrong ?! I trust I have mom ,dad and a little sister and a brother .. but she is different … she is another case !!

I think with myself sometimes how life without her would be ?
I escape asking her or talking to her about this stuff ,,and if I talk to her about it I make myself never mind or don't know what are the consequences … I know she understand me .. and read my thoughts and she also afraid of talking about it …
Will I still silent till I lose her ??!
I think other times how we grew together these yesteryears , how we spent the hard times of siege together .. having fun and living with peace .. I remember how we played with our dolls ,, how we scrabbled together.. how we use to love each other ….
Silent .. I decide to stop right here !by this song :

You make me feel funny
When you come around
Yeah that's what I found out honey
What am I doing without you
You make me feel happy
When I leave you behind
It plays on my mind now honey
What am I doing without you


Took for granted everything we had
As if I'd find someone
Who's just like you

We got a little world of our own
I'll tell you things that no one else knows
I let you in where no-one else goes
What am I doing without you
And all of the things I've been looking for
Have always been here outside of my door
And all of the time I'm looking for something new
What am I doing without you

Well I guess I'm ready
For settling down
And fooling around is over
And I swear that it's true
No buts or maybes
When I'm falling down
There's always someone who saves me
And girl it's you

Funny how life can be so surprising
I'm just realizing what you do

We got a little world of our own
I'll tell you things that no one else knows
I let you in where no-one else goes
What am I doing without you
And all of the things I've been looking for
Have always been here outside of my door
And all of the time I'm looking for something new
What am I doing without you

Well it's feeling right now
So let's do it right now
Praying that some how
You will understand the way
It's feeling right now somehow
I won't let this slip away

We got a little world of our own
I'll tell you things that no one else knows
I let you in where no-one else goes
What am I doing without you
And all of the things I've been looking for
Have always been here outside of my door
And all of the time I'm looking for something new
What am I doing without you!!!

Patience

I don't know why I'm here , and why I'm writing almost every day these last days !!!
My talking has been all the same ! all about the way I'm living and the tedium I feel !! even my company in reality has been so nasty ! all I'm talking about now :
I feel bored
I can't stand it
What a life !
What a situation
I hate people
I hate myself
I hate the way I'm in now :(
…
If I have lived in other place , maybe under different circumstances .. I would be different !
I'm sure I would
But I don't like fantastic dreams , dreams that will NEVER come true ..
Believe me I try, I try to find a spark of hope …a spot of life … I might spend my whole life looking for this mirage !
--------I have experienced too many things the last period .. it shows me how I am still a teen , who has never know what the real life really is !
The way I behave , is how I behave everywhere ,and nearly with every person ,of course depends who he/she is … I don't know .. it's me and I can't be anyone but me
Maybe I'm wrong , and the PERFECT STATE I want my world to be is impossible to realize
All I have to do is to be patient .. and Life is gonna show me what's the secret all about

I will Survive !

Spending night till 4 am on Computer, hanging out here and there … down loading a novel here .. uploading a book there …and then did Fajir prayer and went to bed like a baby !
It's tedium and loss of entusiasm AGAIN ,, and when the sky it wasn't it?!?!?!
Thinking of my youth is flowing like rapid Dijla water in Spring … without doing anything makes me satisfy of myself …
Even I've joined medical college , a year of that .. but I faced people and circumstances made me EMPTY of hope ,, Empty till I've become thirsty! .
I think .. living here is like a hell …
You can do nothing to stop wasting and misspending your life seeing your people dying before your eyes instead of Helping them to rise up !!!!
Girl at my age in other place ,,, has 10000000 times of rights more than me !



I've been bored of being the CUREENT ME !!!
I've been bored of seeing blood in streets !!
I've been bored of seeing people killed because they are SOMEBODY and Follow some concepts !!
I've been bored of wandering in streets to see them full of army like I'm in a battle field !!!
I've been bored of seeing streets full of clefts and on the sides demolished buldings and houses like I'm living in some where doesn't seem to have any relationship to civilization !!
I've been bored of seeing My country's culture in museums out of it .. after been stolen before IRAQIS !!!
I've been bored of being helpless
I've been bored
I've been bored
.
.
.
.
Till I change my current situation !!
And life goes on !! :))

Animals rights

hhhhhhhhhhhhhh

It's so funny to study "human rights", in something called "ثقافة جامعية"...while you were studying it   in a pan with 40 degree centigrade... trying to laugh ... I told a colleague in my college,:

"انا ميتي من الحغ البيحة وقيعدي عدادرس حقوق انسان" 

translation:

"اني ميتة من الحر البارحة ... وفوكاها كاعدة ادرس حقوق انسان"

further translation:

"I was about to die yesterday .. it was soo  hot, and despite hot weather I was dying  to study human rights"

and what made me feel choleric is that something in it says:

حقوق الإنسان هي مشتركات إنسانية لا تكاد تختلف من بلد إلى أخر

translation:

"human rights are human partaken rights and in every spot  all over  the world they are the same!"

 

 

 

لخاطر الله شلون نفس الشي ؟؟!!!

هناك اذا اذيت حيوان تكوم الدنيا وما تكعد بينما هنا اكتلك الف عراقي وانت ايدك بالدهن ورجليك بالماي

There is no translation!   

---

and what made me burst laughing one of studen's printed lectures of "human rights" was spread on the ground and any one gets out of the test room (ofcourse after only half an hour) tramples it with his feet without knowing it's  that blessed "human rights" lecture !!!!