Despair ! no no

What I'm seeing  in  the hospital is crushing  of feelings ,i wonder if i can get over it or NOT .. If i can  continue having hope or the disaster of despair is coming to reach me as well  !  I still remember that  woman moaning for his dead father whose soul's just left earth   , and that scream of  old women shouting of ketoacidosis !

I still remember that little girl looking at me , I can't  explain what was her look for .. but every time I recall it I become one step to cry !

I remember those astray  looks , those desperate feelings .. those tears !

Yesterday there was a bomb at nabi- Younis ( a neighborhood and an old souq in Mosul , site of the famous Jame3 (nabi younis ) ... 7 humans have been killed  !

I don't care who they are , what is  their religion and and nationality ! all I care about they are human beings and blood has been shed ! … woman has been widowed child has been orphan and a man has been killed !!

Next week – Tuesday is my final clinical exam in medicine , please pray for me to have a brilliant result !

Forbidden Boys

When I first entered college , I was too shy !

Or as a matter of fact , I thought boys are dangerous thing , so they isolate us from them for about 10 years , hoping that when we and them get into college , each of us are adults enough  by then !

I supposed  this , any way!

During  high school , and when I go to market or something , and it happens if I see a boy , I get so confused and my face blushes , and this continued for about 1 month of the college !

And then I was introduced to persons that break my shyness down , I always say if I'm a shy I wouldn't change !

Okay , all right !

They use to say to me I'm a leader personality !  but i always need a push , but I don't agree with them

I always adore peace and calmness and hates people gossip and chet chat !

At the same time I have the ability to listen and to be a friend to the most difficult personality in the world , it won't be more complicated than me any way … at least as I think !

okay , let's return to what I was saying..

I got involved in many activities in college , and I got over my shyness problem , but I faced another problem as a result !

The 10 years of isolation between boys and girls , as much as it's useful and wise as much as it is unfair !

How can a boy doesn't speak to a girl for 10 years , gets used to the presence of her might sit next to him at the chair in a lecture ! he is human being at the end!

All right , my personality is always encouraging …

I encourage every person that I think he/ she has talent in any thing !!

But this is not normal thing for a girl , here !

There is a rule … you encourage >>>> you care !

How stupid that rule is ?!!?

Me, myself love writing so much, in Arabic or in English , and I wrote for the first time at the first year of college !

And for this I considered not a normal , girl !

If you are beautiful , clever , has other interests other than medicine , you are not normal !

So be ready to have harasses , get envied and hear gossips for things deserve and other and are the most NOT!!

I won't tell what those people said about me , they are all ignorant and don't deserve my attention , at least this is what I try to persuade myself in !

Now

-I don't dare to ask a male-colleague how is he … this  will  be understood BY ANOTHER WAY!

-I don't dare to write publicly , this  will  be understood BY ANOTHER WAY!

-I don't dare to have public discussion , this  will  be understood BY ANOTHER WAY!

When I still had a face book account which I hate the most , there was a male- friend , whom I respect very much , he is open minded and older  than me , I didn't dare to congratulate him for his birthday_ in spite knowing when is it by my events in that damned face book_by sending something on his wall , coz this will be explained by another way  by my friends or by his ! and I didn’t dare to congratulate him by a private message coz I fear the word private by itself and till know I blame myself for not wishing him a happy birthday !

For a reason of my raising up environment and my family's way in education , I wasn't shocked by dealing with boys , at the contrast, I feel so happy when I discuss worthy things with boys more than girls , and i don't know the reason behind that !...  and by a reason of having an angelic brother , I thought all the boys are angels like him!this fact is not true , with sorrow

I talk too much now a days , don’t get used to it , I'm so moody as you know , but this may be continued !

And before i forget , special thanks to all my readers form Istanbul , and of course all around the world .

Medicine For Losers !!

Let's be Honest !


The medical college here is full of losers !

The ones who just want someone to call them Doctors to implement their selves out !

And don't care if the patients die by their hands , they all are " cases " to them

I don't know what makes them bear all hard study of medical college and then the fatal, exhausting work after graduation?

Ah, I know during study years , it doesn't matter as long as they have Vitamin WAW(1) , as long as your father , brother , mother is a doctor you rock in medical college baby !

And after graduation , ah yes …

Mama and Baba also there behind you, don't worry sweetie !

at the mean time you mess as much as you can , use facebook badly , harass girls whom you know and whom you don't know , take photos with your N(2000 and now) cell phone , and be sure Mama is there for you !

And then marry a Girl , and more over Stipulate to be form a good family and doesn’t speak with boys !

What a loser are you !?

And mama again with you , you can travel outside Iraq , and get diploma and specialization form Harvard because Mom and dad have graduated there !

All right, Medicine has turned to dolls play people !

Losers with an average not more than 50%, get out to Russia , Ukraine, Syria and then returned and get equal to someone didn't sleep as human being for a year in order to get accepted in Medical college "fairly"!

No one from Iraqi bloggers , and from Mosul specifically mentioned the scandal which has happened in Mosul medical college , when a group of losers in sixth stage stole  the superior students test papers from the test commission in the college , and believe me there is a leak !

And the those student had to do the exams again !!

What a farce ?!

Woman's case part #2 : marriage issue

Insomnia !


What a problem !!

I haven't had insomnia since late July

Always , I think if you want to find out how a community could be , listen to their music and watch their movies and series show …

And Arab countries are fantastic example !

" I wanna marry", is the translation of an Egyptian series show title  , shown on about 6 T.V channels during Ramadan ..

The story is based on comedy –real life events which gone through by an Egyptian woman as an example of an Arabian woman in her "holy" journey of marriage !!!

The main character is a pharmacist young beautiful lady , cant rid of her mother insistence to find her the "happy ever after" bride groom.

The woman here whatever was her knowledge , if never get married before the age of 30, nobody looks  at her face  and she looks like as piece of trash , sorry Arabian woman for this rude term of mine !

I'm a woman like you , oblivious ladies !!

I have the right to feel like human being who doesn't have an expire date !!

I agree that woman has menopause by the age of 55 in the best cases , but the importance of her is only about children and sexuality ???

Enough for the sake of the Holly God's name !

The Arabian "gentle "man has got so far unfairly !

I refuse being part of this , refuse being someone who has nothing to do in her life but having birth and work like a donkey all the day long from sunshine to sunset day and night !
As an arabian woman , i'm not allowed to even to think to study out of my "Disgusting " city , and i don't have the right to travel with out a " male protector " who must be either my husbed (God forbid), my uncle or my brother or my nephew !
If I think to go to Mecca i shuld take any army with me !


We have rights for the God's sake !

BTW, I refuse also the stupid thought about equality between women and men (sorry for putting woman first , but ladies first as you say GENTLEMEN!), and I have mentioned it before , I refuse being equal to someone devoid of feelings and doesn't think about woman but in work and satisfying his OWN needs !

I refuse making woman like machine , Work at her place , works at work place , raising up children and has the responsibility of making her " Dignified" king (her husband ) happy !!

The woman needs to feel like human , needs to feel free in making her own decisions !

Needs to have the ability to decide her own pathway away from the pressure of marriage and children , She needs to fill her mind before even thinking  to marry , it's NOT a game , I think !

People round here has turned to machines , I have never heard about any love story that makes storms and dares to face the world

All I hear is "traditional " marriage that based on the Mother visiting the girl's house and deside if she :

1- Has a worthy salary or not!( does she work or not ?? )

2- Beautiful or not

3- Has a family that has a good mask , ah I mean a good reputation!

4- Being submissive to her future husband or not !

5- And lastly devoid of dreams





Guys , I feel tired of this community , it drives me crazy !!

How a marriage could be done by only seeing the girl and the guy form first look and asking some questions about his family , and believe me his/her family reputation is more important than her/his own reputation here  !?

I think from my view they should know each other , at least know what are the dreams of each other , what are their common needs and aspirations …

At least they must work together !!

Alright may be I have to finish this later …

I wish I have NOT returned !

Ah God,

It's the first time i breathe an air that doesn't contain killed people blood.. doesn’t contain hit men's breaths

It's first time I feel I'm alive , I'm human …

Mockingly I have this feeling outside my country , which I love/hate more than anything else.

I returned yesterday morning, and after return I entered  into a deep depressing chaos !



I don't want to live here any more …!

I hoped that after I return I'll see Iraq's government will be established!

And nothing has happened but murders and blood!

When we will live like humans ?

When I will have that right to walk in the street with no need for somebody to protect me ?

When I will have the right to act , wear, dream , talk and aspire freely with no fear only from my God?!

When I will see hospitals are clean?

When I'm going to see mosul is clean?

When I will see my collage is on of the best in the world as it's used to be?!!

سُحقا لكل من يريد تدمير معنويات الناس وأحلامهم

سُحقا لكل من يتربص بالناس الفرص ، للايقاع بهم وقتلهم من دون اية ذنب!

سُحقا للمهمشين الذي يظهرون فجأة ويختفون كالصراصير التي تحاول نثر براثنها القذرة في عقولنا

لعنهم الله واخزاهم ، وحفظنا شهرهم

I'm planning to write again in my blog"يالله عيني سولفلنا",

I thank new followers who have joined violet for peace in my absence …

And I wish you Happy, blessed Ramathan :)

Women in Mosul part#1

My city , is Mosul as you know


A big city located in the north of Iraq , it has so many traditions and they are religion conserving ,

About all the things here are forbidden to be done , or nearly are forbidden !

Not because of religion .. it's because of their tiny heads and brains

The city , and its people it's not opened to the world .. and not ready to contain any new thoughts and views ..\

The woman here is like a machine , her duty is to work , making food, cleaning home and raising Childs !

If she ever thinks to think or to try to see where she is and what is her purpose in life , it's got punished if not physically … psychologically !

The society here is not poised to include woman , and it considers here like a forbidden thing they even call her "Hurma" !

They've a little developed these last 40 years , so they gave the woman the ability and the right to work "out side the house" LOL!

And this so-called equality to man , not added to her anything but fatigue and bitterness .

And anything bad happened to their children and house , ll the responsibility is thrown upon her back!

Let's fly away !!

Insomnia … lack of feeding … and my weight gets lower and lower :(


I don't feel like to eat anything , it's all the same for me !

At the beginning I was reading 3 books/day … now I'm not reading even a phrase !

I don't contact any one of my friends as I used to do before , I switched  off my mobile phone and live peacefully :D

I'm planning to learn how to drive a car !

I think I'm allowed to drive one now, o can’t help not feeling afraid from the road … checkpoints and those nasty driver out there without even a bicycle driving license!

I don't feel like even  to do my ever loved hobby , drawing :(

I'm bored …

And waiting.... !

Fly with me …

Come fly away

The nightmare Mosul!

Only losers say it's the end …

But I say it's not ! I can live!!! and i will breathe defying them !



This city is like a hell ! Dungun.. whatever

I can't breathe peacefully !

I can't even sneeze without making every body turn to see me !

I live among people who have never learned how to look at something and stay silent!

I've got tired of here !

I can bear my pure heart !

I'm not from here >>>!

Eid and A Journey to Erbil

The First Day:

Spent on going to huge family reunion at the oldest man's house (The oldest one in my father's family).
I saw there my family, the rest of my family ,MANY of them I have never seen before !
It was boring as the matter of fact !
Before this we went to mama family 's house , Nana and uncle.
And after those , went to my grandma's house (dad's mother), to see her coz she couldn't attend the reunion becoz of her illness.
All right then returned to home , packed my clothes preparing to go to Erbil.
So this was the first day which had begun with kisses and hugs of Eid!

The Second day:
Woke up at 6:00 am !, also packed what has been left , had breakfast .. and then put ourselves in my brother's car to deliver us to the location of company of transportation which is responsible for transporting us to+in Erbil.
at 7:07 Am (the time at we left home)
Waited for half an hour till the bus came and then ascended to the bus and also waited till 10:00 am when the engine of the bus started working.
The Road to Erbil form Mosul is normal , doesn’t have the high and low areas which makes your heart fall if the car is being driven by a high speed ! I LIKE THAT !
This case can be felt on the way to Duhok form Mosul !
After 12:00 PM we arrived to Hawler, at Aleskan str. We had lunch.. ALL the restaurant there were full !
They were reserved by all the passengers came from different areas of all over Iraq.
After lunch we blasted off to the Hotel, with all the people with us .. it was like an invasion!
Booking two rooms , one for (me +big sis+ little sis),and the other for mom and dad.
Ba3deen (after that), the bus driver delivered us to Hawler aqua park , to the -family fun-center. It was planned to spend all the time at family fun, But it was about to burst off !
Full of people , I didn't have the chance to see anything there but faces! so all I saw there was faces !

Miscellaneous faces , Kurdish and Arabian… of kids , of adults , boys and girls , women and men !
At 10 :00 pm we left family fun and went without the group after leaving them there to Rhein Mole for an hour then returned to hotel for having little bit of rest.

The third day

It is the day of summer resorts
Also woken up at 7:00 Am , had a breakfast down at the hotel's restaurants, saw a French group of tourists leaving the hotel, and then leaving it at 9:00 am to catch the bus with rest of passengers with us.
The way form Erbil to the summer resorts is too long!!!!!!!!
There were a rest point at Shaqlawa located at the begging of the way to the rest of summer resorts.

Shaqlawa

It is about an hour form the down town of Erbil , has a rest point with restaurant has the tanks of the Kurdish army which was against the regime of Saddam before it .

Salah aldein, Hareer ,Khlefan ,

Places between Shaqlawa and the far Erbil's resorts.
Note: we were heading eastwardly.

Ga~li A~li Bek cascade:

Fantastic !!!

For more phots please wait till i upload them 

Bekhal 

The most beautiful one , I had to walk for more than 1 Km to access it , the bus had stopped far away from it becoz of the cocky traffic jam!

cars numbers :

All the visits I have made to Kurdistan, I have never seen a diversity of people like this one !
It like all the Iraqi were there ! , Baghdad, Basra, Karbala, Al Najaf, Nineveh ,Al Anbar
I noticed that by looking at the cars numbers on the way to bekhal cascade .
130000 entered Erbil from Mosul .

Faces and dances :

All the way and I see people dancing , on Arabic music .. Kurdish music … never matter!

Erbil

Erbil……. I love it soooooo much (the down town of Erbil), when I visit it I can see Mosul when it was in peace before the invasion ! that's why I love it !
The urbanization is at the highest levels there , I almost cried when I see people of my own home have not been given the chance to start building their city like Erbil.
Mosul will never be like this if NOT Meslawi people still interfere with Mosul's political and economical stuffs.
Please leave us alone !!!!!!!!
It's time to live .. it's time to have the right to go out home at night without fearing you will be killed or kidnapped !
It's time to go to college without fearing bridge would be closed at any second and your exams just have to fly away !
it's time to remove checkpoints ! it's time for not seeing any solider in the street ! it's time for not seeing any army tanks ! It's time to have fun, it's time to live life …

Saria al Sawas :

The busses and taxies ' drivers beloved singer !
As the matter of fact nearly all these dances were with her LOUD music !
Her voice is like a drill hummer , my brain was like a tan and her voice was beating its walls !!
I can hear it now in my head !!!!
All the way , going .. returning .. in the buss .. out of it … spent with her music and her voice !
I thought  of this a little bit how could an Iraqi singer unite the Iraqis ears when the politicians couldn't unite Iraqis minds , they can't unite their own minds LOL!
Her tapes and CDs bought by all the Iraqi from north to south .. even in Syria!

The day after Eid :

It is the moles and supermarkets day :D , yeah it's shopping time !!!!!!!!!

Heading  to Mosul:
At 7:10 Pm we entered Mosul with only two check points , and without any searching or checking IDs !
While the way to Erbil is full of check points with heavy search , we had to be searched personally twice !
Mosul is now opened , and anyone can enter it form any direction if procedures like these are not taken !
There is army at its boundaries but with not the same procedures !
Praying My sweet Mosul will see the light of peace Again a it was , City of two springs  .
Stay safe

She is back !

Ring >>> ring

Hello ---- ,

Hello 3eni !!

OH , without believing my self- !! susu !?!?!??!?-

How are you girl?? How are you doing???

When have you arrived to Mosul !!??

I miss you Girl !

My best friend Susu has spent a year in Syria , for studying medicine too , I was heavenly happy to hear her voice again ,, All that time I was talking to her via chat messenger .

She said " I was so happy and optimist that I'm going back home with my family , but when I entered Mosul ,, it's like a cloud blackened my heart .. the concretes ,, the checkpoints … the army .. the wretched streets and so on !! and more over the hot waether :)) "

i don't blame her .. maybe because I've got used to it and have never tried another country in my life .. between you and me … I think it's better afraid not to break my heart …\

Any way I was happy for her return and bagan to Imagine how to spend my life college with her and with other friends

Till next time

stay safe

I will Survive !

Spending night till 4 am on Computer, hanging out here and there … down loading a novel here .. uploading a book there …and then did Fajir prayer and went to bed like a baby !
It's tedium and loss of entusiasm AGAIN ,, and when the sky it wasn't it?!?!?!
Thinking of my youth is flowing like rapid Dijla water in Spring … without doing anything makes me satisfy of myself …
Even I've joined medical college , a year of that .. but I faced people and circumstances made me EMPTY of hope ,, Empty till I've become thirsty! .
I think .. living here is like a hell …
You can do nothing to stop wasting and misspending your life seeing your people dying before your eyes instead of Helping them to rise up !!!!
Girl at my age in other place ,,, has 10000000 times of rights more than me !



I've been bored of being the CUREENT ME !!!
I've been bored of seeing blood in streets !!
I've been bored of seeing people killed because they are SOMEBODY and Follow some concepts !!
I've been bored of wandering in streets to see them full of army like I'm in a battle field !!!
I've been bored of seeing streets full of clefts and on the sides demolished buldings and houses like I'm living in some where doesn't seem to have any relationship to civilization !!
I've been bored of seeing My country's culture in museums out of it .. after been stolen before IRAQIS !!!
I've been bored of being helpless
I've been bored
I've been bored
.
.
.
.
Till I change my current situation !!
And life goes on !! :))

The Second Ramadhan here

I'm  celebrating today my second Ramadan blogging in " Violet For peace " 

They were very fine days 

God Bless you all , and  bless this Ramadan making it full of love and cooperating faith and hope ,, empty of killing and its clones 

 To read my post About Ramadan on my other blog " يالله عيني سولفلنا",, Just click here  

To be A fool

Do you know what is the toughest feeling ??

Is to bunt a wall called the real life

Is to find you were a fool

A real fool !!!

And the hardest that

All these years ,,, they were right ,, and you were WRONG !!!!!!

To be committed to your pride and refuse to acknowledge that you are wrong is awful ,,, AWFUL!!

-------

Nineveh Hotel is now back in business,,,

It's so cool .. inside it I forgot I'm in Iraq ..

listening to music performed by a guitar guy is so heavenly !!

More over he performed a song of Abd alhaleem !!!

I'll try to upload a video of the performance here ,,

-----

Ah, I remembered… I'm reading a book so cool … It attracts you involuntarily! Written by : Ahlam mistghanmi ., " Nisyan com "

Ah, yes.. it's no time and my blog's birthday will come ... so i'm happy to have a wonderful year here :)

Stay safe ,, till next time

Violet and her OWN fine arts

What has brought  me in Fine arts college  ?

Is it my love to arts ?

Is it the attempt to escape from current state..

Is it my father and mother's insistence that I should " change the air I breath" by going outside home?

 

 

Yesterday was my first day there, The purpose of my existence there is to learn the principles of laying out and graphics  …  today i went with dad and the way to it was shut coz there was iraqi army ,for " serhing purposes" , i had to go walking ! so imagine my Sweet heaven fine arts in this earhty paradise 

 I won't show you my attepts to darw this  ^, they are HORRIBLE :P 

I was watching and listening   without any desire to listen or watch !

The professor  was trying to explain  to me  lines and angles meanwhile  I was thinking of bed,, just bed..

I'm not used to wake up early like this ! ( in the summer holiday) 

I arrived in  time as usual, this characteristic is so awful if you live in Iraq .. no one ( except the persons who hold mutations like me ,hhh)  arrives on time .. no one respects time !

This training course ends in 10 days , and I'm planning to meet - gather  with my buddies in college to remember and recall THE GOOD DAYS , hhhhh

God bless those sweet days , when I used to wake up full of energy and hope .. taking lectures with happiness .. spending days dreaming I'm going to be a doctor some day !

 

i took this photo on 4th of march 2009 > in my sweet college garden 

Mixed Feeling after along while

hhhhhh,

I'm about to suicide !

Nothing is worthy and nothing pleases me ! NOTHING !

I feel I'm prisoned if I stay at home for few hours ,, actually I feel prisoned in this city or in  this country … or on  this spot of land !

I don't know but can't express my feeling about this ,,

Last Friday it was my sister's Nishan(it's one of the wedding  steps here in Iraq),, It was so cooool and in the best place all over Mosul we had managed the party!

I'm so happy for her and I'm so sad at the same time and ofcourse you know why ?LOL!

  

I think just before a week we've been in Duhok , it was a nice trip not to the summer resorts but to the down town(i think It's called howler)  ,, the hotels were all full and we barely found a motel to sleep in !

I wished we went to Erbil coz I LOVE it and I feel  it's like I'm in Baghdad which I have never seen it yet,, leaving you with some photos :

One of the bridges there , holding the election Portraits

 

taken form the back window of the hotel 

Shandoukha resturant 

On the road back to Mosul 

Hint: I'm the last one  who might think to  suicide  ,, At least I don't think to die until I achieve the purpose behind my being on earth.

More over suicide  is forbidden in Islam ! 

Pray for me ;),,, BYE! 

 

Tigris & Sky

captured by Me ~~~ Dr.Violet :D 

sorry for not that "high resolution", I took them  with my mobile, 3.2 megapixel